sigh~this may be the worst decision in my life~~

okie~i have accepted ym's request to be her roomie for the next yr~~i'm actually quite reluctant cos first thing,i scare my mum will feel alonely at home.Today,my mum is sick thus i decided to stay at home to take care (actually only go buy us dinner lah) of my mum instead of watchin move with ym and lou.at that moment,i really feel quite helpless and hope that my dad is around cos when my mum is sick,i bet he'll kmow wat to do or accompany her.ya know,when a person is sick,its her weakest moment and may think back abt the past...and i dun want that..

i really dun know what i'm saying man...sigh~~i feel really miserable to leave my mum alone at home..knowing that my bro will always be away..i just feel that there is this invisible burden on my shoulders and i doubt i have the strength or the ability to carry it,but i must,i wanna protect my mum from any other sadness or what so ever that hurts.sigh,i really hope that my dad is still around,to look after mum.guess my family will never be a whole again.maybe it is really a good thing that my mum plans to move into my granny's house after bro move out to his new home,like that,there will be company..i guess i'll have to make a pact with bro at the moment,ask him to be home more often..accompany mum.

Ya know wat?Guess i'm really selfish.Some pple may suggest my mum find another partner bt i'm totally against it.i remembered once,my dad asked me in the past.if he's dead,will i allow mum to find some1 else?my answer to him is i dun mind.Seriously,now,when i'm in that situation,i wun allow it.Bt doubt i'll have this problem cos my mum dun want it too. :) okie,what am i doing??sigh~maybe all this feelin is just cos i'm afraid of changes.i hate changes.i dun want it.lol,this is so depressing!!my life changed so much for the past few yrs.so many pple have left.i dun wanna lose anymore pple.the ones i love,cared and treasured.i really want god to promise me that he will never again take away anything from me again!Ever~